MY BOUNDARIES: PERSONAL SPACE AND TOUCH Lesson 6

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MATERIALS:

1. HANDOUT 1: Boundaries Circle Chart

2. HANDOUT 2: Boundaries Circle Chart – Example

3. HANDOUT 3: Appropriate/Inappropriate Assessment

4. Hula Hoop or Masking Tape

MY BOUNDARIES: PERSONAL

SPACE AND TOUCH Lesson 6

DIFFERING

ABILITIES

LEARNER OUTCOME

Define and describe healthy boundaries by examining appropriate touch and

personal space.

INTRODUCTION:

Learning about personal boundaries helps children and teens to develop a sense of

individual responsibility and control. Developing a sense of personal autonomy and

respect for self and others leads to increased self-esteem.

In this lesson students

will learn about physical space and touch and the personal safety rules to maintain

healthy boundaries.

Some students with differing abilities may require help with daily living tasks that

require personal care and touch. They may not feel that they have much control over

who touches them and when. Students can learn when certain touch is necessary and

when touch is not appropriate and can be refused.

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B. UNDERSTANDING PERSONAL SPACE AND TOUCH DISCUSSION

This discussion will help students to understand privacy and respect for the body.

Learning about the concept of privacy becomes more important as children enter

puberty. Understanding that “My body is private” can help students develop skills

that keep them and others safe.

1. Ask your students:

• Who is the owner of your body? – you own your body! Your body is unique

and special and every body is different.

• What can you do with your body? – run, jump, dance, clap, laugh, eat

• How do you take care of your body? – eat healthy foods, hygiene, and

exercise.

Taking care of your body includes saying who can touch you and come into your

personal space. Every body deserves to be treated with respect.

Your body is private and some parts are more private than others.

Private Body Parts

• These are parts that are covered by a bathing suit or underwear.

• Private parts should be covered when you are in public places.

• If you want to touch or scratch your private parts you should wait until you

are in a private place.

• No one can touch your body without your permission.

• No one can see your body without your permission.

• Your body should not be shown to anyone who does not want to see it.

APPROACHES/STRATEGIES:

A. GROUND RULES

Ensure ground rules are established before beginning this lesson. For classes that

have already established ground rules, quickly reviewing them can promote a

successful lesson.

Sexual health education occurs most effectively in a classroom where there is a

mutual feeling of trust, safety and comfort. Having Ground Rules in place can be a very

successful way to facilitate a positive classroom environment. Click here for more

information on how to set up ground rules.

If you would like to explore the topic of privacy further with your students see

Lesson 3 My Private Body.

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C. APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE TOUCH

Touch provides us with a method of communication and is important for our well-

being. Learning about inappropriate touch can help children learn strategies to help

them stay safe including when to ask an adult for help.

1. Write “Appropriate Touches” on the board. Ask your students to describe what

appropriate touching means to them. (The term appropriate can be difficult to

understand so you may want to describe appropriate touches as respectful, kind

and caring. They are “thumbs up” touches – use your hand to gesture thumbs

up.)

2. Then write “Inappropriate Touches” on the board and ask your students to

describe what inappropriate touching means to them. (Inappropriate touches are

disrespectful, confusing, scary, and / or hurtful. They are “thumbs down” touches

– use your hand to gesture thumbs down.)

3. Draw a chart with two columns to discuss examples of appropriate and

inappropriate touch.

Appropriate touch

Inappropriate touch

Hugs and cuddles

Holding hands

Giving a back rub

High five

Shaking hands

Gentle pat on the

shoulder

Receiving help with

hygiene when needed

Visit to a health care

professional

Hitting

Kicking

Biting

Pushing

Slapping

Pinching

Unwanted touch that starts

as fun e.g., play

fighting/rough housing,

tickling

Being forced to touch

someone

Touching of private body

area – breasts, buttocks,

vulva, penis, testicles that

is not for hygiene or

examination by a health

care professional

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Some activities in this lesson plan refer to teaching materials contained in the

Circles I: Intimacy and Relationships Revised Edition teaching kit.

You may

consider checking to see if this teaching kit is available through your local

professional resource library or public health centre. For those who do not have

access to a kit, they may use the adapted activities outlined in the lesson.

4. Ask your students to explain what ‘trusting their instincts’ means to them.

5. Talk about the tickles and fluttery feelings they get in their stomach whenever

they know that something is wrong or out of place (the oh-oh). To help further

explain the concept of ‘trusting your instincts’ you may want to read aloud to

students ‘My Mom Says: A Safety Book for Kids’ by D. Middleton Hope.

6. Are all scary or hurtful touches inappropriate? (Yes, unless it’s to keep you

healthy like when a doctor or nurse gives you a shot.)

7. Have your students make a list of the different ways in which someone might try

to pressure them into inappropriate touching. (Bribing, tricking, embarrassing,

and forcing.)

8. What can you do when someone inappropriately touches you? Tell students that

there are 3 safety rules that they can follow.

• Say no – practice with your students saying NO in a big voice. Some

students may need help learning how to be assertive

• Get away – walk or run away or get out of the situation. Go to a safe place

e.g., home, neighbour’s house, school.

• Tell someone you trust – ask students to think of all the people who they

could tell e.g., parent, teacher, aunt, grandparent.

D. MY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Using Handout 1: Boundaries Circles Chart colour the circles following the

guideline below.

1. The Private Purple Circle is the inner most circle. It includes only one person,

oneself. It recognizes that the student is the most important person in their world.

No one can touch the student unless they want to be touched. It conveys the

uniqueness of the person.

2. Lay a hula hoop on the floor or make a circle with masking tape for your students

to stand in to help explain the concept of personal and private space. (For some

students creating a larger version of the boundaries circles chart to lie on the

floor may help in developing a more concrete understanding of their personal

boundaries.)

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Then discuss the second concentric circle that surrounds the purple circle:

1. Tell your students that there are very few people who belong in the Blue Circle.

People who belong in the blue circle are people who are closest to them. They

share a close, loving relationship. This usually includes their immediate family

members such as their moms, dads, brothers and sisters.

2. Ask your students to label the blue circle with immediate family members, who

they share close, loving relationships with.

3. Inform your students that appropriate touches may include kisses, cuddles, and

hugs.

Next, discuss the third concentric circle that surrounds the blue circle:

1. Tell your students that there are a few more people in the Green Circle. People

who belong in the green circle are usually extended family members and close

friends.

2. Define who belongs as close friends and extended families. It may be necessary

to distinguish between close friends and other friends.

3. Have your students label the green circle with their extended family members

and close / best friends. (Note: For some students with social difficulties, they

may not have a close friend.)

4. Let your students know that appropriate touches may include a one-arm hug, or

even a pat on the back or shoulder. These actions are less intimate and include

less physical contact that the blue circle.

3. Explain to your students that this is our private space. We do not have to let

anyone in if we do not want to.

4. Then have each student come and stand in the “purple” circle to emphasize his /

her private space. Encourage your students to make a positive self-statement

while in the circle e.g., “I am a good friend”.

5. Discuss with your students the factors they would consider before letting a

person in their private space:

a. Who would you let in your private space? (Use examples such as parents,

siblings, close friends, doctors, etc.)

b. Where can they touch you?

c. What kind of touch would you accept?

d. When can they touch you?

e. Why can they touch you?

Next, discuss the fourth concentric circle that surrounds the green circle:

1. Tell your students that the people in the Yellow Circle include friends and adults

whose names are known to them. These are people who have been introduced

to them, but do not know well.

2. Differentiate between friends and acquaintances.

3. Have your students label the yellow circle with their other friends and

acquaintances (to a maximum of 5).

4. Let your students know that appropriate touches include handshakes. Touch is

only limited to hands.

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Finally, discuss the last concentric circle that surrounds

the orange circle:

1. Tell your students that the people in the Red Circle

are people they do not know. They do not know their

names and recognize their faces. These are people

who have nothing in common with them.

2. Review with your students how they would know a

person is a stranger.

3. Have your students label the red circle with the word,

“stranger.”

4. Let your students know that touching does not

happen.

5. Remind your students that they cannot tell if a

stranger is good or bad because they do not know

anything about the stranger. However, it is important

to be safe.

6. If possible, your students can bring photographs of

specific people and actions for the appropriate

circles. These visual aids help guide discussion on

the appropriate social codes for the various levels of

boundaries.

Then, discuss the fifth concentric circle that surrounds the yellow circle:

1. Tell your students that the people in the Orange Circle include people they

occasionally see around their neighbourhood. These are people who have very

little in common with them.

2. Explain who their community helpers are. They include their store clerks, postal

workers, restaurant waiters, etc. Ask you students how they would recognize

their community helpers.

3. Have your students label the orange circle with their neighbours’ names and their

community helpers (to a maximum of 5).

4. Let your students know that appropriate touches include simply waving and

nodding to people with familiar faces.

Make time to use

the social circles

model to practice

personal space and

boundaries with

your students. It is

important that as a

class you have

boundaries rules in

place. Teacher and

students generally

fall into the yellow

circle where

touching is limited

to a hand shake,

high five or taking

someone’s hand or

arm to direct them.

Students can

practice personal

space rules when

moving around the

school, sitting in a

shared space or

working in small

groups.

Technology and the use of social media can open up an

exciting world but can also present boundary issues for children

and teens. There can be a sense that information shared is

private when in fact the information is much more available and

public. Take time to remind students of the rules about online

safety. How do you know if the person you are playing a multi

player computer game with is a safe person to interact with? For

more information see

http://www.thedoorthatsnotlocked.ca/app/en/teacher

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E. STRANGER: GOOD OR BAD?

1. Ask your students:

• Is a stranger a good or bad person? Encourage your students to think about

this question before answering. It’s a trick question.

2. Many of your students will think that strangers are bad. Remind them that they

cannot tell whether a stranger is good or bad by looking at them. A stranger is a

person they do not know and thus, cannot tell whether they are good or bad.

3. Reinforce with your students that they need to be cautious of strangers because

they cannot tell if they are good or bad, rather than “all strangers are bad.”

4. Ask your students how they would know a person is a stranger.

• May never have seen the stranger before.

• May never see the stranger again.

• Do not know anything personal about the stranger.

5. Ask your students where they see strangers.

6. Brainstorm with your students what would they do if:

• A stranger offers to drive them home.

• A stranger falls near them.

• A stranger asks them to go to the movies with her.

• A stranger asks for the time.

• A stranger asks them for money.

• They fell down and a stranger tries to help them get up.

F. APPROPRIATE TOUCH SCENARIOS

Read the following scenarios to your students and debrief with the questions that

follow the scenario. As a concluding activity you may choose to complete

HANDOUT 3: Appropriate / Inappropriate Assessment with your students.

1. Uncle Jack and Auntie Joan arrive for a visit at Taylor and Sam’s home. Taylor

and Sam are very excited to see them because their uncle and aunt are very

close to them. Taylor gives Auntie Joan a big hug while Sam gives Uncle Jack

one too.

a. How can you tell these are appropriate touches? (The touches are respectful

and caring.)

b. How do you think Taylor and Sam would have felt if it wasn’t their aunt and

uncle? It was someone they did not know who wanted to hug them?

(Uncomfortable, etc.)

c. Is it ok for you not to hug someone, even if you know the person very well? (It

is ok to not hug someone, even if it’s someone you know very well. Your body

is your own!)

2. Mandeep and Luke are very close friends. One day they are play fighting and

Mandeep starts tickling Luke. Mandeep does not stop tickling Luke even though

Luke begs Mandeep to stop.

a. How can you tell if a touch is appropriate? (The touches are respectful, kind,

safe and caring.)

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b. When do you think the play fighting between Mandeep and Luke became

inappropriate? (When the touching changed from respectful and caring to

disrespectful and hurtful.)

c. What can you do in this situation?

3. Jan’s mom has a new friend named Sal who often comes to visit. Jan likes Sal

because Sal reads stories, tells jokes, and spends time with Jan. One day, Sal

wants to play a touching game. Sal tries to get Jan to touch a private body part

but Jan does not want to play the game. Sal will give Jan candy if Jan plays the

touching game. Jan is confused.

a. What does Sal want Jan to do to get the candy? (Sal wants Jan to play the

touching game.)

b. What do you think of the touching game? Is it a game with respectful, caring,

and appropriate touches?

c. Why might Jan be confused about getting the candy? (Jan wants the candy but does

not want to play the touching game.)

d. Why is it inappropriate for Sal to ask Jan to play the touching game and offer

candy for Jan to play? (No one should try to bribe you into touching their

private parts or your private parts.)

e. What can you do in this situation?

4.. Ali likes spending time on the computer, playing games and e-mailing friends.

Some of Ali’s friends are people Ali has never met. Ali only knows them through

e-mail. One of the people Ali has never met asks for Ali’s address and phone

number so they can meet at a mall near Ali’s home.

a. What can Ali do when an e-mail friend asks for Ali’s address and phone

number? (Ali could say Ali is not allowed to give any personal information

through the computer. Personal information includes phone numbers,

addresses, age, etc.)

b. Should Ali meet the e-mail friend?

c. How can you tell if what you read or hear through the computer is true?

(your parents or guardian.)

5. Avery’s grandpa likes to give Avery a kiss and hug whenever he comes by to

visit. Avery does not like the way he pats Avery’s buttocks when he hugs Avery. It

makes Avery feel uncomfortable. Avery nicely tells Grandpa, “I don’t like you

patting my buttocks when you hug me". Avery’s grandfather is hurt and asks,

“What’s the matter, don’t you love me anymore?” Avery feels guilty and does not

want to hurt grandpa’s feelings.

a. Why was the touching inappropriate? (It made Avery feel uncomfortable. No

one should make you feel guilty into inappropriate touching.)

b. Would it make a difference if anyone else patted Avery on the buttocks in a

way that was uncomfortable?

c. What did Avery do to try to stop the touching? (Avery told Grandpa)

d. What else can Avery do about the touching?

e. List some other ways in which someone can bribe, embarrass, or trick you into

inappropriate touching?

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QUESTION BOX

Have students fill out questions and address them next class.

The process of asking questions is an important learning activity that helps students clarify

and validate information being presented. Question Box is a method of individualized instruction

which has been proven to enhance learning. Click

here for more information on how to use the

question box.

SELF REFLECTION

During the lesson, were:

• Ground rules being followed?

• Good practices established regarding group work and discussion?

What will you change for future classes with this group?

What will you change for future use of this lesson?

STUDENT ASSESSMENT

During the lesson, did students:

Knowledge:

• Identify appropriate touch and private space using a personal boundaries

chart?

Skills:

• Demonstrate personal safety rules to use when personal space and touch

boundaries are challenged?

• Demonstrate appropriate listening and speaking skills during class discussion?

Attitudes:

• Develop understanding that ‘My body is private’?

G. IN MY WORLD ACTIVITY

Have your students write on a piece of paper (or tell you) who the most important

person is in their world of Circles. Reinforce with your students that each of them is

the most important person in their world and only they can decide who will be close

and who will be far away.

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Champagne, M.P. and Walker-Hirsch, L. (1993). Circles I: Intimacy & Relationships Revised

Edition. James Stanfield Company, Inc.

Canadian Red Cross. (2002). Challenge Abuse Through Respect Education (c.a.r.e.).

Attwood, T. (1998). Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals. Jessica

Kingsley Publishers.

McAfee, J. (2002). Navigating the Social World. Future Horizons Inc.

Middleton, D. (2008). My Mom Says: A Safety Book for Kids. Debbie Middleton-Hope.

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BOUNDARIES CIRCLE CHART

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BOUNDARIES CIRCLE CHART-EXAMPLE

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In each box, circle “Appropriate” or “Inappropriate” to describe the touch.

Hugging Your Uncle

Appropriate Inappropriate

Hitting Your Brother

Appropriate Inappropriate

Waving to Your

Neighbour

Appropriate Inappropriate

Nurse Giving You a

Needle

Appropriate Inappropriate

Kissing Your Dentist

Appropriate Inappropriate

Hugging Your Mom

Appropriate Inappropriate

Kissing Your Friend

Appropriate Inappropriate

Nodding to Your Bus

Driver

Appropriate Inappropriate

Hugging Your

Teacher

Appropriate Inappropriate

APPROPRIATE / INAPPROPRIATE